can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
