I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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