did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
