what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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