Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
