Can i not drive my cunt home
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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