Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
