Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
