My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
