Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
