I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
