i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
