Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
