I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
