I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
