I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
