It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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