God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
