I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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