The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
