Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
