she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
