is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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