your parents love me but you hate me
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
