I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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