Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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