Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're a waste of cheezeits
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
