Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
