I'm lost and stupid without you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
