just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
