now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
