But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
