and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
