Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just high enough for therapy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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