i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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