when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
