We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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