I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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