Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
