He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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