I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think your dad took our porno
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
