I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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