I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
