I wish I only lived at night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
