Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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