So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
