I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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