I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
