sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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