dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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