i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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