her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
