i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
