I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
