He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
